These are the super easy, anyone-can-do-them tricks your partner really, really wishes you'd learn.
Sex is everywhere — if we're not watching actual sex scenes on TV or in the movies, we're watching celebrities parade down red carpets practically naked. It's not just porn that sets unrealistic expectations for what's sexy anymore, and it can be hard to feel like you measure up when it comes time to get naked IRL.
But if you want to keep sex fresh in a long-term relationship or you want to feel more confident in the bedroom, there are plenty of things you can do without going OTT. Just give these tricks a try.
1. The Card Trick
People should not have sex without talking about it — lovingly, salaciously, practically, fearlessly — and often. How else can we know how to thrill each other? Couples don't ask for what they want because they're afraid they won't get it. If you don't ask, however, you are sure not to get it. The spoken word can be foreplay, intimate and hot. Be brave. Dr. Ava Cadell suggests this sex game. Plan to make a night of it:
First, set the mood for a romantic evening with your partner. Then write all your sex fantasies on three-by-five-inch cards. All of them, no matter how bestial, or politically taboo.
Then, read your cards together and, as you do, divide them into three piles: fantasies you want to turn into reality (e.g., sex in an airplane lavatory); fantasies you want to keep that way (e.g., sex with your man and another woman); and fantasies that do nothing for one of the partners (e.g., sex with Big Bird).
Finally, discard the pile of fantasies that turn a partner off. Keep the other two piles. Have one partner choose a card from one of them, and then do whatever's written on it. If he chooses this time, you get to choose next time. If the chosen fantasy is one you both want to keep a fantasy, you don't have to actually do it — just make love as you talk about it. Example: He picks the fantasy where he makes love to you and another woman (most men's number one choice). Start to make love while both of you describe, in exquisite carnal detail, who's doing what to whom and how.
2. The Not-Your-Average-Missionary Trick
Q: When is the missionary position not the missionary position?
A: When you stroke your man's perineum. This small stretch of flesh between the anus and the testicles is an exalted but often neglected place. When it is caressed or gently prodded during sex, men fuse with the eighth dimension. Don't assume that the great favor of your vagina is enough. Gild the lily.
3. The Whole-New-Ball-Game Trick
A man's testicles, says Dr. Cadell, are the complement to our ovaries: a mystical place, the epicenter of new life. But unlike ovaries, testicles can be touched — and, boy, should they be touched. The sensations they produce are beyond the sum of their parts (forgive the pun): profound. Pinch, tug, suck on his testicles. Linger. Dawdle. Don't make this an afterthought. This is a destination in itself.
4. The Place-You-Don't-Want-to-Go-But-Should Trick
It's the anus. Not yours, his. Penetrating a man's anus stimulates his prostate — the male G-spot. Do not underestimate the power of this tip-off. The results are titanic.
Start by lightly circling the outside of his anus with your fingers or tongue. Try a small, thin vibrator. If your man wants you to proceed with penetration, you can lubricate the vibrator, or use a lubricated, covered finger. Buy latex finger cots at the drugstore. They'll prevent internal skin tears and, frankly, make the whole transaction easier for you. I promise you that his slack-jawed, pinwheel-eyed, puppy-like gratitude will abate any reluctance on your part.
5. The Taste-'N'-Smell-O-Rama Trick
Smell and taste can be vivid sexual lures, especially the way you smell and taste. Does he really like your signature perfume? Might he prefer something trashier? Spicier? Experiment.
Try bathing with a new scented oil. Walk out in a towel, then ask him to smell you and nibble and share what he thinks. Show him where. Unless you've bathed in skunk oil, his sharing will involve few words.
Play with flavored lubricants. There are dozens to choose from, like chocolate pudding flavor, strawberry, tangerine. Even if you don't really need lubricants for intercourse, they're wholesomely lewd, and they increase sensation.
Some men don't want flavoured or scented anything. They crave the smell and taste of an aroused woman, unadorned. If you have such a man, here's a marvellous move: Find a private moment in a public place. Tell him you can't wait to get home 'cause you're wet just thinking about him. Maintain eye contact as you (discreetly! sensuously!) snake your hand inside your clothes to your vagina. Touch yourself. Draw your hand out and put your fingers in his mouth. Say sweetly, "See?"
6. The Ridiculously Simple Apparel Trick
No woman alive needs to be told that sight is every man's number one stimulus when it comes to sex. This is often the bane of our existence (as when his head swivels in a restaurant like NASA radar). But the power of sight can work for you.
Forget acrylic nails, or those "darling" accessories, or that new workout gear — men couldn't care less. Take that cash and invest in lingerie. It can be demure; it can be enticingly sleazy. "Lingerie" — way above "please" or "thank you" — is the magic word.
7. The Getting-to-Know-Yourself Trick
Practice makes perfect. And perfecting your orgasms alone will give you the confidence to relax—deux. The first thing you have to do is banish the notion that you must have an orgasm through intercourse. Not a lot of women do, and some who say they do are lying. Most women, however, can climax with masturbation, and it's a great way to learn what really works for you.
Get loose with yourself. Make the time. Wear something hot. Try different kinds of vibrators. Try different positions: on your back, in a chair, kneeling in front of a mirror. Touch yourself in different ways — for instance, play with your labia only until the verge of orgasm, and only then touch your clitoris directly. Build sensations slowly; keep yourself near the verge for as long as you can. Discover what works best for you, and explain it to your partner. He can't read your mind.
8. The Magic-Touch Trick
Masturbate in front of your man. Masturbate him while he watches. Don't be shy. Describe what you're doing as you do it.
9. The G-Spot Orgasm Trick
The good news: You definitely have a G-spot. The bad news: Finding it is like playing pin the tail on the donkey.
The G-spot is, anatomically speaking, your urethral sponge — a sprig of knowledge that's wildly unerotic. It's our version of the male prostate, best stimulated through the vagina's front wall with your fingers, or with a flexing, antenna-like vibrator designed for this quest.
To find your G-spot, get yourself nicely aroused; then, inserting one or two fingers, palm up, press slowly around your vagina's front wall, about two inches up. It varies from girl to girl. Before hell freezes over you will hit a dime-size, slightly ridged spot that provokes an urge to urinate. Engrave that location on your brain, then go and do so. When you return, find it again. This time ignore the got-to-go feeling; you'll know it's false. If you keep stimulating, that sensation will bloom into pleasure.
Once you've aced this, demonstrate it for your partner.
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